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Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief. Beginners Welcome., by Rebecca Soffer Gabrielle Birkner
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Review
“I am not sure how a book about grief could also be witty and entertaining, but Modern Loss accomplishes just that.” (Mindy Kaling, writer for The Office and author of Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?)“Talking about loss can feel scary. This book isn’t. It’s about grieving deeply over the long term, and the reassurance that you’re far from broken because of it. These surprisingly funny and candid stories aren’t about death; they’re about life, and thriving in the face of loss.” (Stephen Colbert)“Modern Loss is a book about grieving and death that shimmers with life. In turn raw, searing, charming, witty and funny—Modern Loss is full of surprises and is definitely not your mother’s death and dying book.” (Dave Isay, Founder, Storycorps)“Loss is devastating, but this frank and funny book makes it less isolating. I want to give it to everyone I know who is grieving, has grieved, or will grieve. In other words, I want to give it to everyone” (Anna Sale, host of WNYC’s Death, Sex and Money)“I love this book! Humans spilling their feelings with so much humility, hope, and humor.” (Nancy Lublin, Founder and CEO, Crisis Text Line)“Profound, irreverent, probing, and consoling, Modern Loss is the guide to grief I wish I’d had when my mother died at 55. Mourning a parent years earlier than my peers, I felt alone with my loss. This is the company I wish I’d kept in those first years; Soffer and Birkner have compiled a book that feels like sitting with your best friends over dinner and laughing and crying and connecting over the most profound experiences you can have.” (Meghan O'Rourke, author of The Long Goodbye)“Finally, a book that fearlessly embraces grief and finds heretofore undiscovered areas of inspiration, humor and above all, light. Modern Loss is our collective Modern Gain.” (Damon Lindelof, co-creator of Lost and The Leftovers)“Devastatingly poignant, Modern Loss took me to a safe place and allowed me to feel comforted by reading about something that I’ve always feared: death. Especially as I deal with aging parents, I found myself feeling some of my anguish dissipate as I was reminded of the universality of grieving. It allowed me to take a breath, and I needed to. We all do.” (Lisa Ling, host and executive producer of CNN’s “This Is Life”)“A frank, often funny meditation on grief and death from the founders of the website Modern Loss. With essays from more than 40 contributors, the book is an important contribution to the national conversation about loss.” (New York Post)
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From the Back Cover
Inspired by the website hailed as “redefining mourning” by the New York Times, a wise and irreverent collection of essays and tips on navigating grief in the modern ageLet’s face it: most of us have a difficult time talking about death and sharing our grief. We’re awkward and uncertain; we avoid, ignore, or even deny feelings of sadness; we offer platitudes; we send sympathy bouquets whittled out of fruit.And at a time when we mourn public figures and national tragedies with hashtags, when intimate posts about loss go viral and we receive automated birthday reminders for dead friends, it’s clear we are exploring this modern landscape of loss without a road map. Enter Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner, who can help us do better. Each having lost parents as young adults, they cofounded the website Modern Loss, responding to a need to change the dialogue around the messy experience of grief. Now, in this wise and often funny book, they offer the insights of the Modern Loss community to help us cry, laugh, grieve, identify, and—above all—empathize.Soffer and Birkner, along with more than forty guest contributors, including rocker Amanda Palmer, CNN’s Brian Stelter, and Dr. Lucy Kalanithi (widow of When Breath Becomes Air author Paul Kalanithi), reveal their own stories on a wide range of topics, such as triggers, intimacy, secrets, inheritance, and more. Accompanied by beautiful hand-drawn illustrations and witty how-to cartoons, each contribution provides a unique perspective on loss as well as a remarkable life-affirming message.Brutally honest and inspiring, Modern Loss invites us to talk intimately and humorously about grief, helping us confront the humanity (and mortality) we all share. Beginners welcome.
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Product details
Hardcover: 384 pages
Publisher: Harper Wave (January 23, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062499181
ISBN-13: 978-0062499189
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 1.2 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.8 out of 5 stars
70 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#24,165 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I'm about 30 pages from the end of the book, and I am sorry there isn't more of the same. Mindy Kaling is quoted as calling this book "witty and entertaining," and I have to admit, that initially put me off. I mean, come on: the death of a loved one humorous? grief entertaining? But every time I picked this up, I found I didn't want to stop, not because the stories here are laugh-out-loud funny (although there are a few chuckles here), but because the writers are telling us truths about the grieving process that are perceptive, warm, heartbreakingly poignant, and just plain real. After my wife of 25 years died 17 months ago, I bought a copy of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's "On Death and Dying," and found it of little to no consolation, because I was not the ideal audience for that book. One she later co-authored, "On Grief and Grieving," came closer to the mark, but still left me feeling no respite from my constant pain. Two more forgettable books by other authors left me wondering if anyone truly understood how difficult it is to carry on when the focal point of your daily life is... well, simply -- gone. The writings compiled here in "Modern Loss" reveal that there are indeed people out there who get it, who struggle with the same old same old every day, all the while aching with the absence of that one individual (in some cases, more than one) who could offer comfort, and solace, and balm for the hurt that often cripples us into inertia. Some of the stories here are light and even playful, but I can't read more than a dozen pages without needing a Kleenex box handy (and I cry a lot more than any other 67-year-old guy I know). I can't say I feel any lessening of my grief (and I really don't want to, to be honest; I'm not sure I'll ever get over my wife's death), but I am comforted far more than I expected to be in knowing I am not alone in undergoing this awful involuntary change in my life. There is some salty language here for readers sensitive to that, but I recommend this book VERY highly to anyone seeking assurance that yes, life after a death CAN go on.
This book changed the way I think about grief and grieving. It is fresh, funny, and genuinely useful for anyone who finds themselves grappling with complicated emotions AND the responsibility of literally dealing with the death of a loved one. A genre-buster.
Disclaimer: Gabrielle Birkner is a friend from college, but for the sake of this book, all that means is that I was aware of the site early on, and I preordered the book.This book is gorgeous. I laughed, I cried and everything in between. As a rabbi, I’ve recommended the website to countless mourners. I’ve already sent the book to friends who have grieved and are grieving; all have said they wished the book (and the site) were around when they first experienced loss. The writing is funny, profound, and deeply honest—Rebecca and Gabrielle share deeply of themselves, and elicit the same sort of emotion from the contributors. All of us will mourn and grieve at some point in our lives, and we are lucky to have these words to help guide us through.
Have a book ever been this needed? Death and loss and grief are things we all experience, and the topics we seem least able to discuss. This book provides the long overdue solution. Filled with personal stories, Modern Loss tackles it all with honesty, kindness and sometimes humor. It's a book people will return to again and again, and always be able to find some guidance and comfort.
I cannot rave more about this book if I could. Sure, it’s not exactly the most sunny topic in the world, but yet we all experience it.Rebecca and Gabi do what shouldn’t be possible, compile and write a book about death in a way that’s lets the reader both feel the pain they are reading but also see a necessary reality that is often hidden from the taboos surrounding talking about death.Trust me. You wont put this book down.
This book is the first of its kind, and it is long overdue. Finally, a book that dispenses with the conventional, cloying wisdom about grief and offers instead first-hand accounts that demonstrate the many, many ways people handle loss. As the excellent essays here reveal, we don't need to find closure or banish humor; there is not one right way to mourn; grief doesn't expire or disappear with time. I am so glad to have this book for myself but also so thrilled it exists in the world. Everyone will benefit from--and enjoy--the smart, honest writing that Birkner and Soffer have so thoughtfully assembled.
Full-disclosure: I'm lucky enough to know Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner in real life, and I have been a Modern Loss fan from the beginning. Objectively, I can say this book is wonderful, honest, and a great read. If you're living through the whole gamut of human experience, these essays will resonate. They offer the reassurance of close friends are hilarious and wise, the ones who will whisper to you in the lonely hours that you will get through this. You'll find every type of reassurance to laugh, to cry, to wallow, and when all else fails, to chose whatever method of railing against the crappy unfairness of the universe works for you. If you don't need this book right at this moment, almost certainly someone in your life does and you might want to hang onto one for yourself as well.
I can't recommend this book highly enough. It's a diverse collection of essays about what we endure in the aftermath of losing someone we love. It includes essays by people whose names you will know (authors, athletes, television personalities) and by those you've probably never heard of but who have equally compelling stories to share. Gabrielle and Rebeca, are your guides through it all.These essays transcend geography and generation, background and relationship to the deceased, and each one is accompanied by a colorful and clever illustration. Modern Loss is a meaningful and appropriate gift for a younger adult (20s, 30s, 40s and beyond) who experienced a recent loss, is still reeling from a loss years out, or for a friend or family member trying to compassionately support someone who has experienced loss.
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